17 and Over

SHAWN and BRIAN, two young; and clean-cut friends, are standing inside of a movie theater hallway with a ticket in each of their hands.

Shawn- Okay Brian, now is our chance. We can sneak into “Bloody Axe of Hell 4” without anyone looking. As you know, we are only fourteen and a half. And even though we at look at least 26, I still wasn’t able to convince the ticket girl otherwise. So I thought on my feet and purchased tickets to “Happy Penguins 3D” as a decoy. Soon, unbeknownst to the theater manager, we will be finding ourselves a seat in this year’s bloodiest movie.

Look, if we get caught- just act super cool. Last time we got caught in the act you vomited before we got inside. Let’s keep this mission clean. The only bodily fluids I want to witness will be on the big screen while we slurp down our slushees. By the way, thanks for buying my drink. I owe you one.

Look look! There is no one guarding the door. We can casually waltz in and grab our seats.

(Shawn looks at his digital watch)

It’s only two minutes until the movie starts so it will be nice and dark for us to sneak in. Just remember not to use the flashlight on your phone like last time- I feel like that should have been a given. But I get it, it’s not your fault you have poor vision.

Are you ready Brian? This could be the first crime we successfully commit. If we get caught we are looking at like, two months in jail at least. So hombre, you wanna see this gory flick?

(Brian shoots a look of worry to Shawn)

I know it’s a scary movie. That’s why they make them! Don’t worry, if anything happens that you can’t handle, I won’t make fun of you if you close your eyes. Just don’t make fun of me if I do the same. Truth be told, I am a little scared too.

(They both take a deep breath together)

This is it Brian, our first rated R movie adventure. I hope we get to see a trailer for Vampire Dungeon: The Awakening!

(Shawn and Brian slowly walk toward the theatre entrance)

Crap! They spotted us! Abort mission- I can’t go to jail! I’m allergic to everything!

(The two friends rush into “Happy Penguins 3D” with no one in sight but a janitor)

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My Apologies

 

Dear Trailblazerblogger43,

I’m sorry- but I’m the guy that walked through your picture. I didn’t mean to, I swear. But we both know it happened and I am pretty sure you’re upset because if you tried to upload your photo to your travel blog, you saw a photo with a pale, white man in a business shirt that was in a hurry to catch his train- obviously not the type of photo that would get a lot of interest on your amateur content site.

Look, again, I’m sorry. You probably spent a lot of money traveling to New York City but you’ve got to understand, people live here and have places to go. We aren’t all tourist.

I don’t say that in a mean way, I am just trying to defend myself a little bit. Let me paint a picture of reality…I live here and I probably end up in hundreds, if not thousands of pictures a year- especially since I commonly use Grand Central Terminal as a way to see my folks in Poughkeepsie.

If I were to jump and sway my myself out of every camera pointed at me, I would be volunteering for a task that I do not want to do. My time is limited as it is and even if I was dedicated to this task, I would probably only avoid thirty percent of the photos…a failing rate.

Thank you for your understanding. Hope you enjoyed your vacation in the greatest city in the world. NYC. The Big Apple, baby.

P.S- you were facing the sun. When I took a photography class in college, the professor told us to always have the sun behind us to accent your focal point.

So, to be honest- your picture was probably ruined from the start.

Safe travels home.

Life Cycle

As you may have noticed from scrolling through the pages of this here website, I don’t exactly have consistency with the type of content that I post. If I was still a “professional” blog writer, my editor and SEO marketing manager would tell me to fix that so I can maintain my minimum wage job status while struggling through cancer recovery..(breathe).

Sorry- did I get off on a tangent?

Anyway, happy to report that I no longer take orders from a blog manager, influencer, SEO commander, or whatever-the-hell they are calling themselves. Don’t get me wrong, there jobs aren’t easy, but that life isn’t for me. (He said while he continued to write his personal blog for free).

Look, I didn’t really plan on posting that much on here. But my ego got super boosted when I saw that a lot of people seemed to have been responding to what I post. So I did what any good American would do and decided to feed me ego and get ta writin’ sum more.

Side note: In my opinion, ego isn’t bad. It’s just the way you execute it…Kanye, A-Rod, and (probably) Leonardo DiCaprio would say it’s confidence and not ego that drives them. Personally, I think confidence is ego with Ray Ban sunglasses on. Neither are bad, but too much of the other will probably leave you crying in the shower…or as I call it “Tuesday.”

Man, did I get off topic. Bare with me, kinda free flowing all of this because I have been so backed up with words for so long…(ahem).

Life: what is it? why are we here? And what is better than a good turkey sandwich?

I ask these important questions because my good friends at Facebook like to have “memories” and that is what sparked this post..

I don’t have to tell you that life is weird and can’t be explained by anyone. If someone tells you they have the secret to life- ask them how much it costs and then report them to the Better Business Bureau.

Heres how Facebook wanted to let me know that life’s content isn’t consistent:

4 Years ago: I was in chemo therapy at Sloan Kettering receiving treatment and being delivered amazing banana bread (s/o to Sofiya Alexandra) totally fogged and detached. Although I think I did some writing..

8 years ago: I was working in Los Angeles and performing at iO West theatre (RIP). Our group “First World Problems” was on a long run of successful shows, depending on who you ask.

9 Years ago today, I got in my car and moved to Los Angeles. Slept on couches (s/o to Phil Tipping) until I landed in a sweet house in Eagle Rock, CA on an air mattress that had just sprung a leak…I then called my Mom to tell her how well I was doing.

10 years ago today: I boasted about making a great Turkey Sandwich.

Your biggest Influencer you follow on Instagram doesn’t need to tell you that life has ups and downs. I just told you that, so like, don’t read their post..just scroll past it; please keep reading this one though because I promise I am almost done.

(clears throat and straightens clip on tie)

I will never forget an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine when Detective Jake Perelta (Andy Samberg) misses out on a date with Lt. Amy Santiago ( Melissa Fumero) to a well respected and super-star colleague: Detective Dave Majors (Garret Dillahunt).

SPOILER ALERT!

The episode ends with Amy not having a great time with Dave on a date they had, mostly because she had eyes for someone else in the precinct… Jake runs into him and says “you must be pretty bummed you two didn’t hit it off.”

Dave simply replies with: “Not really, I can’t wait to see what happens to me next” and walks off.

THAT is the line that I always remember when the world is upside-down because to Dave Majors, there was no up or down..there just was- and he couldn’t wait to see what life is.

I’m going to post this on Facebook so I get a memory of memories that I shared because I want to remember how happy I am today. (S/O to my amazing wife Jade and our “sweet pea”).

 

*S/O to the writers of Season 2 Epsisode 21

 

Imagine That

 

Christopher, a young boy sits at the edge of the bed and begins to talk to his best friend.

Hi, Mr. Jinksy thank you for seeing me today, would you like a cookie? My mom made them fresh and I told her to burn them a little bit, just how you like them. Oh you don’t want a cookie? You sure? Because I am only going to offer it once…

Christopher sets down the tray of cookies next to him and wipes his hands. 

Now, lets get down to what I wanted to talk to you about. As you know, we’ve been friends for, well since I could count. You’ve helped me through thunderstorms, cleaning my room, and even offered me advice on what clothes I should wear and I can’t thank you enough.

(sigh)

But it needs to stop Mr. Jinksy.

You see, I know you’re real but I also know I imagined you.. I think it’s time to say goodbye. It’s not that I don’t love our time together or that I imagined another friend, not at all. The reason for this parting is because I think you and I both knew this day would come and it’s up to me to be the one who breaks the bond.

Listen, this isn’t completely goodbye. I wouldn’t mind it at all if you dropped by every once in a while on holidays or for big life events, just give me a heads up so I can make myself available, I’m almost 8 and I have a lot coming up.

I hope you didn’t think I was just going to cast you off into the dark world alone. No, I set up some meetings with younger kids in the neighborhood that would love your company; most of them have the same sense of humor as you so it’ll be a great match.

Thank you for everything Mr. Jinksy. Good luck in life and I hope to see you again soon.

Christopher performs an intricate handshake with his imaginary friend and waves goodbye after wiping a tear from his face.

Wait Mr. Jinksy. I changed my mind! I’m not ready to lose a friend. Come back! I was wrong!

Christopher looks around the room

Mr. Jinksy?

Checks another spot

MR. JINKSY?!?

 Finally under the bed. Nothing.

(Sigh)

*Christopher kept his promise and set up those meetings. Mr. Jinksy was matched perfectly with a 5-year-old girl down the street named Penelope. Mr. Jinksy kept his promise as well; he visited on holidays but couldn’t make it to Christopher’s graduation because he already promised Penelope to be there for her driving test.

Christopher went on to create “Imagine App” A full service application device (with parental controls) that pairs young kids with imaginary friends that are available and nearby. He now owns a luxury condo in Boulder, CO with his wife and daughter whom he shares his slightly burnt cookies with on special occasions.

 

 

 

 

Hello Again!

First off, I want to thank all of you who have said kind words over the past few years. I can happily say that I have recovered well and I am successfully cancer free.

What have I been up to, you ask in your head?

Well, a lot actually- but I won’t bore you with all the details and then try to wrap it up in some witty way. The point is. I am doing great. Oh! I will tell you that I have moved to NJ and have an absolutely, smart and beautiful daughter.

What’s her name, you ask in your head?

I can’t tell you. Why? (you say out loud because now you’re getting annoyed). Well, if you’ve noticed, Google has taken over the world and you can look up anything at anytime. Don’t believe me? Google any two words and you’ll find something helpful and also disgusting.

First two words that popped into my head: Mustard Party.

I don’t feel like Googling “Mustard Party” because, my point is- EVERYTHING IS ONLINE! I don’t want my daughter’s life out their on the cyber nets for eyeballs to read. She can’t even crawl yet and I don’t want her pictures or name online to haunt her later in life because we all have embarrassing child photos, even if our parents only meant the best. If she chooses to make a Youtube account (owned by Google) later in life then she can. As long as it’s age appropriate material.

So, you may be asking yourself internally- “Why the hell is Mark writing this.”

Well, for a few reasons. Since having a daughter and now having a family of my own. I have been getting like, super eager to create.

I mean..I created LIFE what else can I do! (is what I say to myself at night in my head).

So I just wanted to say “hello” and “thank you” to all of the followers and subscribers out there. In future, I will be posting casual content for easy reading, music that I have written or want to share, and maybe a doodle or two.

I hope you’re all doing well, safe, and happy. I look forward to growing with you all.

(He’s right, that wasn’t witty at all) you say in your head.