Ok, so I am starting to feel a little bit better after my second round of chemo. I am halfway home. Still not feeling 100 percent but who does feel 100 percent every day anyway? Maybe Taylor Swift does…
I noticed that looking at old pictures helps me get excited for the future, because right now all I feel is trapped in this distorted reality of chemo. The pictures help me realize that the chemo isn’t the only reality that I will be living in my whole life. It’s where I have to stay now, but I definitely have my bags packed for a future destination.
Chemo has been hard, but it has also been healing. My tumor markers are going down and I am winning the rounds, even though I have taken a few blows below the belt. Luckily my fiancée has been there to hit hard when cancer plays unfair. Cancer doesn’t stand a chance with Jade in my corner.
There are many websites, specials, books, and commercials that try to tell you how cancer feels and how you can fight it but I feel like nothing seems to work except time.
Yeah sure, you could paint a picture and feel pretty good for a bit, but nothing is going to take away the pain and confusion of chemo like time. Not even a book recommend by Oprah Winfrey that promises all the secrets.
I don’t want to be a downer at all, the last thing I want is someone else bummed out. I guess I am just trying to be OK with time lately because with time comes healing. And healing is what I ache for but I am an impatient person, especially during times of healing.
The hard reality about serious healing is that life doesn’t say “Hey buddy, you’re going through something awful, give it like 5 minutes and you’ll feel GREAT! Someone may even name a building after you for your struggles!”
No, usually it’s “Hey dude, take a number, we’ll get ya fixed up but ya gotta put some work in yourself before we can truly say you’re healed. Oh, and by the way, it’s gonna suck and you’re probably gonna cry. Most people cry here. But hey, Maybe you’ll learn something along the way? Either way we’re kinda backed up so it’ll be some time. Just take a number”
( The Healing Shop closes for the day and Mark is left confused, again. Mark reviews his healing ticket as he waits at the Reality Shift Station with his bags packed and hopes that the train is running on time.)